Archive for June, 2014

The Prodigal son returns (too long)

(This has also been sitting in my drafts for too long.)

 

 

I want to scream but no words come out

Not for lack of things to say

But an absence of words that could be accepted

I want to fall into your arms and cry

But I won’t because you’ll probably ask why

I would run to you

But you’re no longer there
my arms outstretched

grasping at thin air

I would speak, you promised to listen

But I face judgment, rebuke, and derision

It’s been hard, for too long.

 

 

Hope, hurts. Faith fails. Love breaks.

But moments of pain are buffeted by songs of hope

Words of love

Moment of peace

Reminders that you are not alone

It’s those small moments

Those tiny victorys

Those glimpses of light

And I remember he is still there

 

I find him when I’m no longer looking

I hear him when I’m barely listening

I feel Him when my hands are tied

 

I don’t know why but He hears

I can’t understand but He cares

I can’t fathom how

But He’s there

He sees me, falls on me and tells me to come home

It’s been, too long.

 

prodigreturns

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Blame game

People often gather to celebrate the victories, but their presence would have been more greatly felt in the defeats.

 

anger

I woke up one day and realized that I was angry. That life, had made me angry. There was so much rage, bitterness, and anger. And it surprised me.

 

I don’t know when it happened. But it did.

 

 

Sadness, self-pity, disappointment, and depression often turns outward when the burden of self-blame becomes too much. We search for an object, a person, or an institution to blame. Anyone but ourselves. Perhaps if we pass the blame onto someone else, we no longer need to face our own demons. Instead we can turn sadness into anger. We can hold our parents, our teachers, our preacher accountable. We can say that our family rejected us. That the government neglected us. Or that God has left us.

 

The American Psychological Association defines anger as an “emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.”

 

In life we often times feel that we have been wronged by certain people or society as a whole. And for those taught to believe in a higher being, they begin to hold Him accountable for every bad thing that has happened in their life.

 

A brother was brutally murdered.
A wife, raped and killed.
A child, left to die after multiple gunshots to the chest.

 

After overwhelming grief, sorrow often turns to anger.

Retribution is called for. Someone should pay! The guilty party should suffer to the extent of the law. But when that doesn’t bring peace or equanimity. We need a scapegoat—who better than God?

 

“Why did God allow…?”

“If God is good, then why…?”

“Where was God when…?”

“How could a good God let…?”

 

It’s amazing how many of us today believe in good without believing in evil. We can by a stretch of the imagination believe in God. But by that same stretch we don’t consider that there is a source of evil.

 

Did God promise us roses, sunsets, no hardships, or suffering? Yes, He did. And then he also gave us freedom. Freedom that enabled the ability for pure, unforced love. And freedom that also allowed for disobedience. The fruit was eaten. Mama Eve, and Papa Adam left the garden. And we came to the knowledge that though “all good things come from God,” saying yes to the fruit allowed Satan to also take hold of our lives. There entered destruction, war, famine, hardship, death, and suffering.

 

God is surely stronger and wiser than Satan, thus Satan will not roam free forever. But since God will never force us to love him, or command us to follow him, we now have this freedom: to choose who will be our God, and find which side we will serve.