Green grass

My advice? Read, don’t breathe. Accept, and don’t try to find me in words that describe our society.

For the females. 

Grass is greener

I’m, (pause) jealousin her wedding pics like as if I need matrimony, but nope, I’m not ready to be confined by the strictures of another mind. I’m, (pause) too free to be tied down, goals so high afraid to drown in images of what if… 

I pushed harder, was stronger, stayed wiser, aimed higher? 

I see… the way she walks and talks with a fluency that is beyond me and I turn and suck my teeth telling myself I’m simply not seen. Or the way she’s wrapped success around her finger, which is gracefully mounted on her slender frame, thick thighs, rounds eyes, a dimple, small waist, good taste.

She stands with her man showering adoration all around her, I ask, where’s mine, forgetting I’m just fine… sitting in misery wishing I was anyone but me, forgetting, I’m a BLESSED me, that each day, I’m the BEST me this world ever did see. That I was perfected in the mind of God, before my parents ever accepted that bam(!) the sperm’s slammed the egg, merged, and hit the uterine wall, and now ma’s “time” of the month is on hiatus for another nine. Delivered alone in a room from pain I left the womb, not ready to be confined again till I lay 6ft under, fingers numb.

They didn’t realize what I could be, but God already knew what I would and should be. His special creation, a gift. A jewel, priceless–can’t match the value, but I look in the mirror and instead of grasping the reflection of a pearl, I trip up and grasp at a stone with no shape, no form, no virtue, leaving my Father confused that I could reject the truth and disregard the proof that he’s shown me.

That he owns me. Shaped by grace, fed on mercy, raised on faith. Who am I? Not my fear, nor my failure, not my rejection, nor my confessions. Not a broken vessel, but a willing temple. Nourished on hope. Ready to be filled, I rope in my feelings of inadequacy and grope towards the realization that the grass is green where I stand, here, beneath my feet.

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Loveeee this.. I guess Youtube Videos are next…so proud of you . 😊

    Reply

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