Still standing

Sometimes it is so hard to wait. We spend so much of life hurrying. Hurrying to accomplish one thing or the other. So when we get to the point where there is nothing left to do but wait, hope, and pray, it can cause us to unravel.

The past year of my life was never in my plans. I’m doing something I’d never fathomed I’d do. In a place I never thought I’d be. But I’m here. And though there are a lot of ups and downs which remind me I’m still alive. It’s truly been the most amazing year. I’ve learned so much about myself, what I want in life, even the things I thought I wanted, and now realize I actually don’t. I’ve lost myself, found myself, and lost myself again. I’ve lost people in my life, kept a few people, and gained some pretty amazing people as well.

I think this year has calmed me. It has made me question why am I really alive. And what my purpose on this earth actually is. I’ve realized my dreams are not the dreams of other people and that that is okay. My thinking about family, friendships, children, the future, religion, and education may be a bit queer and out of the norm. But I like it that way. I’ve realized my purpose is different. And as long as I stay true to that I will never be afraid of the passing of time. I will embrace change, and I will thrive in it.

I will go to the places I want to go, experience the things I want to experience, let go of the people who don’t want to come along for the ride, and hold on to those that do.

I used to be afraid of disappointment, and pain. But now I don’t hide from it. I see the rain falling and I dance in it. I make goals and I reach them. I don’t speak much, but instead I listen. I watch. I prepare, and I wait.

I grew up wishing I was somebody else, and hoping to fit into a segment of society that honestly is too small for me. I can’t be confined by other peoples ideas of happiness, I want to build my own.

I choose to jump off the bandwagon of popular thoughts, ambitions, and goals, and live a life that is uniquely my own. I want to change the world. And the first step is to change myself, my thoughts, and my vision.

quuen king down chess

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