I’m angry at God

Sometimes if I am honest with myself, I have to admit that I am completely and totally angry with God. 

child-tantrum

 

Okay, maybe as a fellow bible believing Christian you’re confused, so let me try to explain.

 

I suppose I can compare it to the kind of anger a child feels towards a parent that is ‘absentee.’ Maybe a father or mother who serves in the military. You get the weekly calls, the gifts on your birthday, you know that they love you, but you’re angry because you simply feel robbed.

 

You miss getting tucked in every night, the in-person bedtime stories, or even just waking up in the middle of the night, running to their room when you’re scared and knowing you’re safe in the house because you can see that they are still there.

 

I’m angry with God because I can’t see Him. I don’t care that this is how it has to be or whatever theology that is present to explain it away. I know I am being unreasonable, a petulant child,  and I still don’t care!

 

It’s not always enough knowing that ‘God is there or that He cares.’ Sometimes I want to see Him! I want Him to come down off His throne, and give me a hug and show me that He is there. I want Him to sit with me late at night and tell me stories of how things were back in the day in the time of Moses, or Ezekiel, and Joseph. I imagine His voice to be so deep and comforting.

 

fathdaughter

 

I want Him to paint me a picture of how beautiful and bright the future will be. I want Him to hold my hand, to envelop me in a hug. Let me crawl into His bed when I’ve had a bad dream, or to be able to look into His eyes after a long day and see that my suffering causes him pain too. I just know that He would look lovingly back at me and simply say “There, there my child.”

 

Sometimes I feel so broken inside and I know He is the piece of me that I’m missing. When sleep eludes me, or I’m wrestling with my demons inside, He is the one I want to tell.

 

childpout

 

If I could have anything I wished for in this moment, I wouldn’t wish to end world hunger or violence or pain, even though all these things weigh heavily on my mind. All I would wish for is to just once see His face, to say “hi” to God, and hear him respond with a “Hello my child. I see you, and I’m right here.

 

father-hugging-daughter

Advertisements

3 responses to this post.

  1. One problem I have with theism is, I am told that God possesses abilities beyond my comprehension. Sadly, many Christians don’t expect a demonstration of this, satisfied with such a God that doesn’t bother to show it. I am glad to read you expect more.

    Reply

  2. I guess that what you have so wonderfully put into words is what most Christians try to deal with at some time or another. I have been a Christian for many years now and I can tell you that when God does show you even a small portion of the future and what He has showed you happens it’s actually quite scary and not something that is easy to handle. Similarly when God helps you to understand things or does things in your life that only He can do, it is very exciting but also can be very overwhelming.
    May our awesome God bless you.
    Bye for now.

    Reply

  3. Posted by Black Excellence on October 31, 2016 at 10:04 am

    Deep words, but I totally get it

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: