Posts Tagged ‘depressed’

Find Him (!)

To me the most amazing thing about the bible, is that it’s real. The people on the pages of this ‘book’ are not just ideal paragons of virtue. They are human. People that we can relate to.


If the bible wasn’t filled with people like David, Sampson, Jonah, Job, or Peter; I think I may have lost hope. Or rather I would not have regained hope.

Often times when the weight of the world gets too heavy and we feel alone and hopeless, our hearts grab hold of God. No longer do our minds find God to be an idea or simply a concept, instead he becomes real and a whole lot more relevant.


Today I picked up my bible just looking for a snippet. A tidbit. A few words, nothing too time consuming. Just something to help me hold it together and muddle through another moment, another day.

I ended up flipping to Job chapter 23.


Then Job replied:

“Even today my complaint is bitter;
    his hand is heavy in spite of my groaning.
If only I knew where to find him;
    if only I could go to his dwelling!
I would state my case before him
    and fill my mouth with arguments.

Ahh, my good buddy Job. I have to say, I love how he keeps it 100%. His complaint is bitter! And there’s no hiding it. He’s had his fill of the struggle and he’s about ready to go toe to toe with God.

Job has some questions, and he needs some answers. Ever at the ready, he’s prepared his case and he’s not afraid of arguing it! But first, he needs to figure out where God is.

I would find out what he would answer me,
    and consider what he would say to me.
Would he vigorously oppose me?
    No, he would not press charges against me.
There the upright can establish their innocence before him,
and there I would be delivered forever from my judge.


Hmm, Job isn’t worried. He knows God is good, so if he approaches God, he knows(!) he is gonna be delivered.


“But if I go to the east, he is not there;
    if I go to the west, I do not find him.
When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
  when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.


Dang, but a brother still can’t find him though. I mean if he could just find God things would be cool. They could chat, Job could get a few things off his chest. And God would clear up the misunderstanding. Everything goes back to normal.

10 But he knows the way that I take;
    when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
11 My feet have closely followed his steps;
    I have kept to his way without turning aside.
12 I have not departed from the commands of his lips;
    I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread.


Ya know, I was following Job up to this point. Then I got lost. And fast. I mean Job is here talking about coming out as gold after being tried, and I’m sitting here just hoping I come out. To say I’ve reached that gold standard would be such a stretch. I mean Job says he hasn’t departed from God’s commands. He says he has treasured God’s word more than bread!

Confession. I’ve gone through more days without God’s word than I’ve gone without ‘bread.’ And yeah, I’m still feeling those after effects.


Sometimes we make ourselves so busy that we leave no time for God.
We have problems and we need to solve them.
We have issues that won’t fix themselves.
We have struggles that won’t go away.
And we have sins which feel like they are here to stay.
But to treasure God? To make him something we value? Something that is our food? Can we say we’ve done that?


The past few days I’ve been fasting, and my reasons for it are not that laudable so I will skip out on that. But what I realized is that food is ever on my mind. Without it I get tired, depressed, and weak. But spiritually that’s how I am without God. I am spiritually drained. I am hopeless. Discouraged. Selfish. and Lost.

I need him. I need God. I need him to be my living water. My bread of life.
I–like Job–am not finding him, but simply because I haven’t been looking. 




You [don’t] deserve better

What do you do when the problem is you?

Okay, let me rephrase that. What do you do when you’re the one with blood on your shirt, smoking gun in hand, and fingerprints all over the crime scene?

i.e. You Screwed up!

Sigh. Let’s just start from the beginning.

So you remember that person you never thought you’d be? Yeahh, that girl. The clingy one, unstable, with serious emotional issues? Or that guy who girls look at then run the other way?? I mean you grew up, just assuming you’d have ‘swag.’ But then you got diagnosed with halitosis and inherited your pop’s double chin.

Sigh. Life’s rough, I know. Though I’m pretty sure it’s rough for the majority of the world too. So let’s not waste much time pitying ourselves.
I went online the other day looking for some motivation, and all I saw were some trite self absorbed posts about how: “You don’t need him,” and “you deserve better,” or “she wasnt meant for you.”

And then I just sat back and thought to myself. Dangg. Unless we are all living in some kind of fairytale, (that I was never invited to, I might add). The ‘other’ person is not always wrong, or messed up. Sometimes the person with the issues is you!

You’re the one with the drama and the baggage.

Darling. If the same things keep happening to you over and over again, eventually it should start to dawn on you that there are one of two options: Either the whole world is all the same–and sucks miserably. Or child. You are a bit messed up.

So my advice? Stop trying to fix others, and fix yourself. Heal, grow, learn, move on, and play the cards you were dealt with in this life. Life aint always sunshine, but imma try to hold out for the rainbow after the rain.


Be the better you deserve.

Good luck 😉