Posts Tagged ‘happy’



I started about three years ago, recording videos every once in a while, in which I would talk about the things on my mind. I’d gossip to the camera about my own life: the positive breakthroughs, my loved ones, school, and the things I was worrying about at that moment. Sometimes all it’d be is a video of me crying, and not actually saying anything comprehensible. What was the purpose of that you might ask? Well to me it has served as a history of my highs and lows. I can look back and observe my state of mind, the things that were bothering me and see if they were resolved, or if they still aren’t.

I can see how I’ve changed, how I’ve grown, and the ways I’ve stayed the same. And even though there were highs as well as lows in my life I realized I felt the lows more strongly and quickly forgot the highs. Today I logged in another video and literally my exact words when I started recording was “I am so happy.” And I am. 🙂  I’m really happy, and that’s a first. I have a type A personality so for me to not be obsessing over anything is a rarity. Your first inclination may be to ask why? Or what happened that has made me so happy? And the answer is simple. Nothing has happened. 🙂 At least nothing external has happened.


My life is not seemingly more perfect than it was a year ago, or 6 months ago, or even a week ago. In fact God has been consistently awesome throughout my life. Yeah I have faced challenges and letdowns that to me—at the time—felt life-shattering. But that is my point. At that “time” it “felt” what I considered to be “life-shattering.” But it in fact did not shatter my life, and how I felt was constrained by time.


There are a couple things I have recently come to the realization of:


  1. There are very few things that time will not heal.

    Okay so I know you’re reading this and you’ve heard this all before, but you think this statement is not true, or at least that it doesn’t apply to you. That you’re facing something right now that time will not heal. And how do you know this? Well because you’re feeling this pain at this exact moment, and it’s so strong, and has lasted for so long–so surely it will last forever. But humanity has a certain resilience and a great emotional capacity to heal. It may take years. But you can overcome whatever event that has caused you pain—just be patient with yourself.

  2. Happiness – lasting happiness will never come solely from achievements

    …or fame, or another person’s love, etc. Yes these things in that moment can make us happy, but that feeling will not last. The truth is: there is at every moment things in our life that we can dwell on that can make us either happy or unhappy. And it is up to us to make that conscious decision to be happy. Which brings us to my next point,

  3. Happiness is a choice.

    You need to decide you want to live a happy life, and realize that your happiness is up to you. You cannot forever choose to be a victim of circumstance. You have to decide that you will control your emotions; and that your emotions will not control you. And that comes with realizing how easily we let our emotions envelop us. For years I’ve let sadness envelop me and recently I realized I do the same thing with anger. It consumes me and I simply self-implode. Once I realized this I decided to be more purposeful with the way I handle my life and my feelings. So on to the last point:

  4. Be purposeful.

    Why are you unhappy, or angry, or sad, or worried? If you don’t even have quiet time to reflect on your life, how can you improve it? How much time do you take in the day for you? I find peace when I go to the gym every day; it’s a time when I’m doing something just for me. When I walk the 30 minutes from home to work every day instead of using my car, I get time to listen to a sermon, or a TED talk, to think, unwind, and be purposeful about my day. As someone who has struggled with certain things, I have learned what my triggers are and try as much as possible to stay away from those situations.

In closing I just want to encourage you to stop looking for things outside of yourself to bring you lasting happiness. You need to decide to love yourself enough to listen to what you need, and with strength from God you can live the life you want and have the happiness you desire regardless of external circumstances.

I wish you well on your journey to  a happier you 🙂





The negative thing about social media is that often times it distracts you from reality. On social media we create perceptions of ourselves and our lives and we feed it to the masses. We showcase our best pictures, our most witty sayings, and our great triumphs. We often skip over the hurdles, pretend everything is perfect behind the scenes, and feed off of likes, shares, and comments of those who are on the very periphery of our everyday lives.

Social media is like a fairy tale. And like most fairy tales, it makes the reality in comparison something disappointing. Social media encourages jealously, envy, and feelings of self inadequacy. Life without social media would force one to be more plugged into actual face-to-face, person-to-person interactions. We would see events simply as experiences and memories, instead of as something to document and share with everyone we know, and even those we don’t really know.

Maybe your personal satisfaction with your life, family, and your significant other, might seem more substantial without being constantly compared–whether consciously or unconsciously–with others. Maybe you would cherish those in your life who stick around for every up and down a little more. Maybe you’d value each conversation you have and every event you went to if you were actually focused on the now instead of on the notifications. Try being unplugged for a bit, and maybe you will find that you, your life, and your relationships are better for it.

Follow your arrow

In life I think the hardest person to accept sometimes is ourselves. Our parents, our loved ones, our friends, our society, tells us who we should be and how we should be it. We follow laws and religions blindly, and judge other people who are following a different system just as blindly. So rare it is for people to have an original thought, an original idea. Our outlook is so much formed by outside forces that some of us never truly become our own person.

There is a time in life when we can continue to follow the path and the ideals that have been set out for us, or we can decide to break free. Become an individual. Represent ourselves, instead of a system. We can be truly free. Not bound to the noose that we allow to be put around our necks.

You know the picture of a fool? Someone who sits in a jail cell for all of their lives not realizing that the cell has no lock, and if they would give it a slight push they could simply break free.

We do not have to repeat the mistakes of our parents or of our grandparents. One day when I sit down to tell my children about my life story, I would like to tell them that I did everything I ever dreamed of, that I didn’t settle for reading the stories of others, but instead I created my own. That yes I made mistakes, but sometimes it’s those who traipse closest to death that end up truly living.


We rush to grow up, rush to find work, rush into marriage, rush in having kids, and rush in growing old, then try to delay our death.



“I want to speak yet nothing comes
I find no words to express the depths of darkness
Sometimes I feel the pain is so great that everything will break
The smile is a big cloak that covers a multitude of pains”

Do you know who wrote these words??
I was listening to a TEDx talk on Hope and Hopelessness by Murray Watts and he read this quote. And then he turned to the audience and asked us (I’m saying us like I was there–but I watched the talk from the comfort of my bedroom. Definitely felt like I was part of the audience though).. He asked us, “Which famous 20th century figure penned these words?” And guess who it was?? MOTHER TERESA.

Yes, the same Mother Teresa who won the 1979 Nobel peace prize, who was referred to as the “Blessed Teresa of Calcutta,” and who is admired by both the religious and non-religious for her lifetime dedication to helping others. The very same Mother Teresa who said “peace begins with a smile,” “let no one come to you without leaving happier,” and that “the smile is the beginning of love.”

The truth is Mother Teresa was human, just like us. After hearing this talk I searched for more of her writings in which she shares:

“There is so much contradiction in my soul, no faith, no love, no zeal. . . I find no words to express the depths of the darkness. . . My heart is so empty. . . so full of darkness. . . I don’t pray any longer. The work holds no joy, no attraction, no zeal. . . I have no faith, I don’t believe. . . my cheerfulness is a cloak by which I cover the emptiness and misery. . . . I deceive people with this weapon.”

It’s kinda sad. That someone could be so outwardly amazing, but so inwardly broken. I think though that how she felt describes many people today. People who are so busy keeping up pretenses that they don’t have time to fall apart at Jesus’ feet. It is possible to have a genuine smile that crinkles your skin when it reaches your eyes. It is possible for you to be truly cheerful and be positive about life, even when circumstances are bleak. It is possible for the emptiness to go away, and to swim in faith and love.

I wanted to tell you about Mother Teresa, because in case you’ve ever felt hopeless, you’re in good company: You’re sitting next to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, Job in the land of Uz, Paul in Macedonia (where he was “harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within” – 2 Corinthians 7:5). But in the next verse, Paul shares with us an assurance that still applies to us today: “But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us.” (2 Corinthians 7:6)

May God comfort you.

Chasing after the wind

Recently I have been struggling with feelings of low self worth. I don’t understand why God made me, why I am necessary in this world, or what I can really offer.

Lost Teddy
I wonder if other people can see me the way I see my self. Sinful, empty, and broken.

I go through each day exhausted no matter how much I sleep. I’m not only tired in body, but in soul, and in mind.

I try to turn to God, but the world seems grab more of my attention. I remember that God is love, but I am confronted with the fact that though God is love, there is so much real suffering in the world. I don’t blame God for this. But I just wonder when enough will be enough. When will there be enough rape, murder, hate, gossip, and unfairness. Why do children have to experience a hunger that eats away at their insides? Why do women have to walk around in fear of their sexual freedom? Why does the dark skinned 4 year old girl at my church look longingly at the light skinned girl who comes to visit and say she wishes she had her skin?


Why are families broken, why does love hurt, why does friendship fade, why is loneliness and hopelessness a disease that takes away so many lives.

Our world is so messed up. Yes, there is so much beauty, and there are so many people with amazing souls that bring light to those around them. But never have I been so aware that this world is not my home. Never have I so longed for a place in heaven. Not that I could fathom that I’d ever deserve to be there. But simply because I’m tired of being here.

I long for the place where peace, hope, and love is not just a mental construct that you use as a bridge to find your happy place, but it rather an actually reality.

I would try to end this post with something positive, but I rather be honest. God gave us the book of Psalms, but He also gave of the book of Ecclesiastes and Job. As Christians I think we have convinced ourselves that if we follow God, we should constantly be happy, joyful, at peace, and one with God. But the simple truth is God did not promise we wouldn’t face this hardship, and this emptiness.

“I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.”- Ecclesiastes 2:10-11



What we see on TV and in movies has become more real to us than our own reality. We plan our lives around shows, we leave work to watch sporting events. We halt our lives to watch other people live theirs. We look to the media to define for us what love is, or what happiness is. We ask them to show us how to talk, how to walk, where to go, and what to wear when we get there. We’ve become so fascinated with the surreal that we no longer appreciate what is real. Real things like the cellulite on her thighs, the tears in a mother’s eyes, the fact that he snores when he sleeps, or that you have a college degree and yet you find it hard affording food to eat.

Sometimes we need to realize that our life is not a movie. It cannot be condensed into less than 2hrs and it is not filled with only picturesque moments. There is no white picket fence, there is no perfect ending. Life is struggles, hardships, and imperfections. There is no perfect soul mate waiting to sneak up on us and make us feel complete. There are however, perfectly imperfect people whose positives outweigh their negatives, and whose strengths balance our weaknesses. There is no perfect job where everyone likes us and we are never looked over. There are hard times, starting over times, moving on times, and learning from our past times. There is no promised happily ever after, but there is waking up each morning and deciding to make the best of the day that has been granted.

We often think that we have roadblocks in life, but those roadblocks are our life. Our life is the awkward pauses on a date, it’s sharing the sidewalk with someone not knowing which side their gonna take, its break ups, make ups, success, failures, happiness, and sadness. Life is beautiful, and life is messy. Your life is beautiful, your life is messy. Sometimes it’s lonely, boring, hard, but it literally is whatever you make of it. Don’t waste your reality chasing someone else’s fantasy.


You should be sleeping right now


A rebel without a cause.


I came home for a visit, and mums, true to her title, just told me to sleep. But here I am, at 2 am writing you this soliloquy… like a true rebel.




Warning. If you currently harbor any hope that this post will offer you anything useful other than a creative rant, from a self-actualized no-one who thinks she knows a little something about everyone… then please discontinuing reading and get some beauty sleep. According to mums its not too late for that.


However, if you–like myself, choose to forgo the blissful merriment of deep refreshing sleep. Then I invite you to join me on this quite exciting–albeit predictable journey, of not self fulfillment per-say, but something kinda…sorta… like it 🙂 


Okay, so lets begin with the drama!!

So you would not believe what happened today at church.
Two women almost got into a brawl.
Sayy whattt!! At church??

Sigh. I know.
I wouldn’t have believed it myself but I saw it with mine own eyes. 
‘Twas quite tragic.
My money was on the lady with the assets–I feel like she always gets judged unfairly though, since she is a very… umm. let’s just say, a more exuberant type. But I quite love her for it. She is the type of person who you either love or hate, but either way you respect her. And hey, at the end of the day I would rather have respect than love. Sure love keeps you warm at night… but respect has its perks too 🙂 


Hmm, but lets move on to our next topic of the night: The male species!
*feeling guilty* You know… I think it’s time I came out of the closet. I know from my previous posts I come off a little… anti male… but that is simply not the case!! I love men!! 😀 hehe 😉


I just don’t like excessive female emotional dependence on men.Which brings us back to our next topic! Why do the majority women feel like they need a man?? I mean you never (okay, hardly ever) see a guy on fb talking about how his woman left him or betrayed him, and how he is now so broken and all he needs is someone to love him. But women on the other hand, are always crawling from one relationship to the next. And God forbid they have a dry spell when a man doesn’t come a-knocking, then all of a sudden they go from sexy to desperate in one heartbeat!

🙂 … This also seems like a good time to mention I have not actually mastered this whole guy thing either, and so in the future if you ever see me crying over a guy feel free to give me a hug–either before or after you slap the sense back into me 😀


But anyways. Let’s get back to the rant.


You know, what I have noticed in some cultures is that the common thought is that one need only exercise if one is trying to lose weight. But that is actually FALSE!!!
I personally, would be more attracted to a guy who took time to take care of his health in general, even if he wasn’t built like Thor (sighh ^_^ ) than a guy who is skinny but consistently puts junk into his body without getting up from the couch every once in a while to take a walk, play a sport, or go to the gym.



Hmm. Okay, well, if you’ve actually read this far it must be a really slow night.. Or insomnia is kicking your butt. But 🙂 I think I am going to end with a little advice. This time for the men 🙂 Top 3 things NOT to do when you are interested in a female:

One.) Don’t monopolize the conversation! Seriously, nothing is sweeter than a guy who will shutup and listen, even when your girl is spewing nonsense! Trust me this will take you far in life.

Two.) Don’t obsessively text others when you are on a date. Umm, this is self explanatory, but I have honestly observed time and time again when two people go out and they are both so glued to their phones I wonder if they even appreciate the presence of the physical being opposite them.

Three.) Don’t assume you ‘have’ her/him before you actually do. Trust me this is definitely a turn off, and what you think is confidence is actually being interpreted as arrogance.


🙂 Thats all for tonight folks! Go to bed!! 😛