Posts Tagged ‘life’

Overstimulated

How much of our life do we spend searching for, seeking, or desiring the companionship of others? Whether family, friends, or lovers, oftentimes we are searching for someone to share our life experiences with. We use the presence of others to keep us from feeling the full force of the burdens we carry from day to day.

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The problem comes however, when we are so dependent on other people that we are unable feel content when we are alone. We automatically equate being alone with being lonely so we avoid embracing time spent in solitude.

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Even when we do find ourselves isolated from society even momentarily—we reach to our phone, tablet, or laptop to plug us back in. It is priceless to be able to find peace in solitude, to quiet the voices of doubt, regret, stress, pain, and loss, and to see life as a gift without feeling the need to drown yourself in outside voices.

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#firstworldproblems

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I tend not to complain out loud about my problems unless I am talking to my mother– since we all know it’s every mom’s duty to listen dutifully to just about everything you have to say regardless of whether you are 25 or 40. If I complain about my issues to anyone else it might sound overwhelmingly like #firstworldproblems, an impression that may only be partly wrong. I called my mom once… –just last week if I’m being honest–in the middle of the night after I hadn’t been able to sleep all night for 3 nights in a row, plagued by my own mental demons, and she picked up. She picked up– even though at that time she was with a patient who would be taken off life support soon.

 

She was just reading a few bible verses to him, and I am pretty sure he couldn’t hear her and was totally unaware of his surroundings or anything else for that matter, but I was shocked that she as a physician was taking time out of doing her rounds to read some verses for a patient that couldn’t hear her and to pray for him before he passed… and also that amidst all this that she picked my call because she was worried about me. I proceeded to tell her I was completely fine, she should get back to work and after I hung up I began to cry. The perspective that the call gave me forced me to tell myself that: hey you should be happy and grateful you’re not deathly ill or dying, and that your problems are so small, and in the grand scheme of things– probably even meaningless.

 

But the truth is minimizing our problems by comparing them to someone with bigger problems can be both helpful and at the same time hurtful. It can invalidate your hurt and your pain and trust me it is incredibly hard to heal from something you don’t fully let yourself feel. If you don’t come to terms with pain in your life because ‘hey there are people starving in Africa and you have it much better than them,’ which may very well be true, but that doesn’t mean that your suffering, albeit privileged suffering, is any less real or any less hurtful. Much of our own life is shaped by our mind–our thoughts, and thoughts can be powerful enough to cause a person to pull a trigger, jump of a bridge, or prevent them from trying to achieve something they have always wanted to achieve.

 

It is good to be grateful and to see life from a perspective other that your own. Be thankful for your privilege. But also be gentle with yourself. Know that it is okay to let the small things sometimes get to you. It’s okay to not be invincible all the time. To feel weak, overwhelmed. It’s okay to simply just let yourself feel. Now it’s another thing to dwell, to sink, to never move forward. But just for today I want you to be honest with yourself about the emotions you’ve been keeping bottled up, the frustrations laying there right under the surface of all the pretense and fake smiles and cheerful demeanor. If you can’t be real to people at least be real to yourself, because honesty takes you to a place where true healing can finally begin.

 

Overcoming obstacles

Sometimes it is easy to wallow in self pity. When I get in that frame of mind I tend to dwell in it for quite a bit. I wake up not so ready to face the day and with a feeling of two large hands pressing down on my chest. Then there is also the feeling of walking under a perpetual cloud. Today was one of those days, where I kinda just planned on barely making it through the day. I got to work and after some semi-challenging news I started feeling like the cloud above me was going to burst. I picked up my phone hoping to distract myself, but as usual there is never really anyone to talk to when you really need them, so I ended up going online and reading an article about a woman who has every reason to wallow in self pity but doesn’t.

She literally goes around giving TEDx talks exuding positivity and strength; when she can’t sit down and has a to use an external bag as a stomach. She’s extremely skinny because though she eats 8,000 calories a day she only retains 20% of it. Which most of us would think great right? But not when the rest drips out of what should be her stomach. I thought wow. If I was going through that I would be such a mess. I mean imagine relationships, the limits in getting closer to people, the constant rejection and explanations she has to give. Never really being able to be ‘normal.’  And the bitterness that doctors actually made everything worse. But she literally just pushes past all that and lives a meaningful life. Traveling, meeting people, sharing her story- her insecurities, and exuding strength and courage.

I know sometimes looking at how worse off others are can be a means of disregarding our very real problems and suggesting that what we are going through isn’t valid. But that’s not what I am suggesting you, or I for that matter do. I feel like stories like this should give us strength to tackle whatever obstacle we are facing, and encouragement that we are not alone in our struggles. There is no one out there living a ‘normal’ life. We all have our own versions of normal. But we don’t have to be overwhelmed by it, or just accept it, we can thrive through it.

Well I am off to finish facing my own obstacles. I wish you the best in tackling yours!

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The Dead Sea

There was a boy who loved a girl, when she didn’t love herself. But as she learned to love herself, the boy resented her for it. As she became stronger, more confident, he told her that she’d changed. That she wasn’t the girl he had fallen in love with. That she was no longer simple, and that she was no longer unique. As she found herself, she lost him.

 

There was a husband who had a wife that was outspoken and intelligent, a go-getter. At least she was before she married him. But after the marriage suddenly something changed. The husband wanted her to speak out less, and conform to his will more. Forgetting that it was her spark that he first fell in love with.

 

There was a woman that had a man that she loved to control. She didn’t mind that he had no job, and preferred that she provide for all of his needs. But the man began to feel, like not so much of a man. He went out and got a job. He began to provide for himself, and contribute to the relationship—but his woman despised him for it. Now he had a voice, now he didn’t need the woman in the same way–he still wanted her—but he didn’t need her, so she no longer wanted him.

 

When waters are stagnant life cannot thrive. When our loved ones change, we don’t stop loving them. We don’t have to grow apart from them—we can grow with them. Relationships can morph and change and grow, if we let it.

Happy

 

I started about three years ago, recording videos every once in a while, in which I would talk about the things on my mind. I’d gossip to the camera about my own life: the positive breakthroughs, my loved ones, school, and the things I was worrying about at that moment. Sometimes all it’d be is a video of me crying, and not actually saying anything comprehensible. What was the purpose of that you might ask? Well to me it has served as a history of my highs and lows. I can look back and observe my state of mind, the things that were bothering me and see if they were resolved, or if they still aren’t.

I can see how I’ve changed, how I’ve grown, and the ways I’ve stayed the same. And even though there were highs as well as lows in my life I realized I felt the lows more strongly and quickly forgot the highs. Today I logged in another video and literally my exact words when I started recording was “I am so happy.” And I am. 🙂  I’m really happy, and that’s a first. I have a type A personality so for me to not be obsessing over anything is a rarity. Your first inclination may be to ask why? Or what happened that has made me so happy? And the answer is simple. Nothing has happened. 🙂 At least nothing external has happened.

 

My life is not seemingly more perfect than it was a year ago, or 6 months ago, or even a week ago. In fact God has been consistently awesome throughout my life. Yeah I have faced challenges and letdowns that to me—at the time—felt life-shattering. But that is my point. At that “time” it “felt” what I considered to be “life-shattering.” But it in fact did not shatter my life, and how I felt was constrained by time.

 

There are a couple things I have recently come to the realization of:

 

  1. There are very few things that time will not heal.

    Okay so I know you’re reading this and you’ve heard this all before, but you think this statement is not true, or at least that it doesn’t apply to you. That you’re facing something right now that time will not heal. And how do you know this? Well because you’re feeling this pain at this exact moment, and it’s so strong, and has lasted for so long–so surely it will last forever. But humanity has a certain resilience and a great emotional capacity to heal. It may take years. But you can overcome whatever event that has caused you pain—just be patient with yourself.

  2. Happiness – lasting happiness will never come solely from achievements

    …or fame, or another person’s love, etc. Yes these things in that moment can make us happy, but that feeling will not last. The truth is: there is at every moment things in our life that we can dwell on that can make us either happy or unhappy. And it is up to us to make that conscious decision to be happy. Which brings us to my next point,

  3. Happiness is a choice.

    You need to decide you want to live a happy life, and realize that your happiness is up to you. You cannot forever choose to be a victim of circumstance. You have to decide that you will control your emotions; and that your emotions will not control you. And that comes with realizing how easily we let our emotions envelop us. For years I’ve let sadness envelop me and recently I realized I do the same thing with anger. It consumes me and I simply self-implode. Once I realized this I decided to be more purposeful with the way I handle my life and my feelings. So on to the last point:

  4. Be purposeful.

    Why are you unhappy, or angry, or sad, or worried? If you don’t even have quiet time to reflect on your life, how can you improve it? How much time do you take in the day for you? I find peace when I go to the gym every day; it’s a time when I’m doing something just for me. When I walk the 30 minutes from home to work every day instead of using my car, I get time to listen to a sermon, or a TED talk, to think, unwind, and be purposeful about my day. As someone who has struggled with certain things, I have learned what my triggers are and try as much as possible to stay away from those situations.

In closing I just want to encourage you to stop looking for things outside of yourself to bring you lasting happiness. You need to decide to love yourself enough to listen to what you need, and with strength from God you can live the life you want and have the happiness you desire regardless of external circumstances.

I wish you well on your journey to  a happier you 🙂

 

Follow your arrow

In life I think the hardest person to accept sometimes is ourselves. Our parents, our loved ones, our friends, our society, tells us who we should be and how we should be it. We follow laws and religions blindly, and judge other people who are following a different system just as blindly. So rare it is for people to have an original thought, an original idea. Our outlook is so much formed by outside forces that some of us never truly become our own person.

There is a time in life when we can continue to follow the path and the ideals that have been set out for us, or we can decide to break free. Become an individual. Represent ourselves, instead of a system. We can be truly free. Not bound to the noose that we allow to be put around our necks.

You know the picture of a fool? Someone who sits in a jail cell for all of their lives not realizing that the cell has no lock, and if they would give it a slight push they could simply break free.

We do not have to repeat the mistakes of our parents or of our grandparents. One day when I sit down to tell my children about my life story, I would like to tell them that I did everything I ever dreamed of, that I didn’t settle for reading the stories of others, but instead I created my own. That yes I made mistakes, but sometimes it’s those who traipse closest to death that end up truly living.

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We rush to grow up, rush to find work, rush into marriage, rush in having kids, and rush in growing old, then try to delay our death.

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What we see on TV and in movies has become more real to us than our own reality. We plan our lives around shows, we leave work to watch sporting events. We halt our lives to watch other people live theirs. We look to the media to define for us what love is, or what happiness is. We ask them to show us how to talk, how to walk, where to go, and what to wear when we get there. We’ve become so fascinated with the surreal that we no longer appreciate what is real. Real things like the cellulite on her thighs, the tears in a mother’s eyes, the fact that he snores when he sleeps, or that you have a college degree and yet you find it hard affording food to eat.

Sometimes we need to realize that our life is not a movie. It cannot be condensed into less than 2hrs and it is not filled with only picturesque moments. There is no white picket fence, there is no perfect ending. Life is struggles, hardships, and imperfections. There is no perfect soul mate waiting to sneak up on us and make us feel complete. There are however, perfectly imperfect people whose positives outweigh their negatives, and whose strengths balance our weaknesses. There is no perfect job where everyone likes us and we are never looked over. There are hard times, starting over times, moving on times, and learning from our past times. There is no promised happily ever after, but there is waking up each morning and deciding to make the best of the day that has been granted.

We often think that we have roadblocks in life, but those roadblocks are our life. Our life is the awkward pauses on a date, it’s sharing the sidewalk with someone not knowing which side their gonna take, its break ups, make ups, success, failures, happiness, and sadness. Life is beautiful, and life is messy. Your life is beautiful, your life is messy. Sometimes it’s lonely, boring, hard, but it literally is whatever you make of it. Don’t waste your reality chasing someone else’s fantasy.

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