Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

Lemonade

i don’t care if you don’t love me.
when my intelligence intimidates you.
and my quirks make you smirk.
you don’t know how to fight for me.
you’d never die for me.
you won’t even say hi to me.
you only care for me when its convenient.
say sweet words when you don’t mean it.
chase me when your phone is dry at the end of the night.
i don’t come to mind in the daylight, when the suns high.
no i am reserved for the dark times, your down times.
i’d race to be where you are.
climb every mountain scale every height.
but you wouldn’t even turn the corner
cross the street
look down
and reach.

 

i don’t care if you love me.
i used to wonder if i’m not the right form of thick.
or if my skin tone isn’t the right level of rich.
sit up at night, heart hurting eyes burning,
restless tossing turning, hating myself for knowing you weren’t right for me.
you never tried for me.

 

but i don’t need you to love me,
i’ll love me,
i’ll try for me.
cry for me,
laugh at my own jokes,
tell myself it’s okay to hurt.

 

i’ll sing a song, not our song, but my song,
it may be off key, but i’ll sing it for me.
i’ll tell myself to be strong,
breakdown when I need to,
but stand up when i’m done and continue on.

lemonade

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I wear a mask

I wear a mask of indifference to help me move

on And help it does, but only for so

long Then the mask slips and it

hits The love so strong so unrequited it wants to

hate based on what was, what isn’t, what could have been before you left

it Laying down I know its time, I’m ready to embrace

it Because this isn’t the first time nor will it be the

last The routine it’s a circle

a cycle I must break down so I can build myself up but

again I play our song turn off the lights and lay my head

down Tears escape and one drop falls from one eye into the

other Finding it’s friend it hits me that I know how this

ends No more sobs, the song isn’t over but I am

done I already know the grand

finish I turn off the music, turn the lights on, I am stronger your hold on me is

no longer I’m ready to begin

again I wear a mask of indifference to help me move

on

 

 

 

(P.S. Told you I’d be back soon 😉 )

You [don’t] deserve better

What do you do when the problem is you?

Okay, let me rephrase that. What do you do when you’re the one with blood on your shirt, smoking gun in hand, and fingerprints all over the crime scene?

i.e. You Screwed up!

Sigh. Let’s just start from the beginning.

So you remember that person you never thought you’d be? Yeahh, that girl. The clingy one, unstable, with serious emotional issues? Or that guy who girls look at then run the other way?? I mean you grew up, just assuming you’d have ‘swag.’ But then you got diagnosed with halitosis and inherited your pop’s double chin.

Sigh. Life’s rough, I know. Though I’m pretty sure it’s rough for the majority of the world too. So let’s not waste much time pitying ourselves.
I went online the other day looking for some motivation, and all I saw were some trite self absorbed posts about how: “You don’t need him,” and “you deserve better,” or “she wasnt meant for you.”

And then I just sat back and thought to myself. Dangg. Unless we are all living in some kind of fairytale, (that I was never invited to, I might add). The ‘other’ person is not always wrong, or messed up. Sometimes the person with the issues is you!

You’re the one with the drama and the baggage.

Darling. If the same things keep happening to you over and over again, eventually it should start to dawn on you that there are one of two options: Either the whole world is all the same–and sucks miserably. Or child. You are a bit messed up.

So my advice? Stop trying to fix others, and fix yourself. Heal, grow, learn, move on, and play the cards you were dealt with in this life. Life aint always sunshine, but imma try to hold out for the rainbow after the rain.

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Be the better you deserve.

Good luck 😉

Confession.

Dry your eyes sweetheart.

He’s not your one in a million.

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Yeah, so I know you’ve been out there looking for your soul mate. Searching high and low, desperate to find anything thing that moves, breathes, and lifts up the seat when he pees.

But let me save you the agony and disappointment; the hours of standing in front of the mirror before you go out. Wondering if you are pretty enough, thin enough, or graceful enough for him to finally take notice. You spend hours watching youtube videos: learning how to paint your face so you can look like someone you’re not, on the outside, just to attract someone who you hope will like you for who you are, on the inside.

And when you find him. Though he is 5 steps removed from perfect. You manage to convince yourself that perhaps maybe he is still the one for you.
When you leave his presence you wonder if he likes you, how often he thinks about you, and if he might learn to love you. But the truth of the matter is; 9 times out of 10, you are obsessing over someone who can hardly remember your name.

Look, your biological clock is not running out, but your common sense is. You’re caught up in the allusion that he can change, instead of realizing that the real problem is you. You are lost. Looking for someone to love you, when you don’t even love yourself. You are empty, broken, and hurt by all the thousand and one ways you think life has disappointed you. But what you don’t realize is that when you value yourself solely on the basis of what others think of you, you are the one who is disappointing yourself.

What happened to being a woman of grace, confidence, and pride? What happened to valuing yourself enough to know when to walk away? How come we can no longer find happiness outside of someone else’s embrace? We weren’t made just to warm sheets!

Because when the night is over, the lust wears off, and the makeup washes off, it is still you who has to face yourself in the mirror each day. And if you can’t love what you see; no amount of hugs, kisses, or even a new last name can change that.

But if you invest your time in cultivating your own self worth, you won’t have to look for the right man, he will find you.

Truth is

Truth is. Today’s troubles came from yesterday’s blessings. 

Think about this:

  • You know the job that you’re currently complaining about? Or your boss or coworker that keeps pissing you off? He or she would not even be in your life if God didn’t bless you with that job in the first place.
  • Or how about your Professor? Grade A pain in the butt! Keeps on assigning you a ridiculous amount of work right? And his grading system. UNFAIR! …But. Isn’t it by God’s grace you even have the opportunity to be in school? Some people were never even blessed with the opportunity to finish high school–let alone college. 
  • And what about your relationship? I mean, he is definitely not as caring as he used to be. And she doesn’t even know how to respect! You guys can’t even talk without fighting anymore! …But. Wasn’t it God that brought you two together in the first place? Wasn’t it God who answered your prayer and gave you someone that loves you, and who has been there for you when you needed them most?

The Truth is: Today’s troubles come from yesterday’s blessings. Appreciate your blessings, and don’t make them into curses. Else God might think twice before He blesses you again.

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