Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Risking it all

Is it just me or is it frightening to realize that often times we can never really know what another person is thinking? You could be in a relationship for years and your partner could have mentally left you, months if not years before they physically walk away. You could be investing money and time in a friendship with someone who really thinks you’re just a stepping stone in their life. Your cubicle mate at work could share jokes with you but then turn around and talk down about you to your colleagues and your boss.

 

It seems to me that letting people in, letting them get close is one of the greatest risks we can take in life.

 

Currently when you look at the statistics for things like marriage you begin to question even more. If more than half of marriages end in divorce, not to mention the remaining half; how many of them are bitter, unfaithful, miserable, and wanting a way out? Many people will then begin to share cliches about love and pain and how love conquers all and it’s always worth it. But statistically speaking it does seem that we are fighting great odds.

 

Growing up I always used to wonder: do people change so much that you could go from loving someone to… not? Little did I know then, and barely do I know now, what my mother always tells me “human relationships are complex.” (lol), I always laugh and role my eyes when she says this in her woefully sage voice, but I know she is right.

 

Human relationships are complex.

 

Thats why I won’t end this post with any cliches or thoughts on external (other-person) relationships, positive or negative. But I will say that I wish you the best in whatever complexities you face. In the midst of all these complexities however, you owe it to you, to be true to yourself.

 

Be honest with how you feel, what you think, and be honest to those around you. That is the best thing you can offer to someone whether you care about them or not, whether you love them or not.

 

It’s easier to live life when you aren’t lying to yourself about who you are and what you want. Know that life is a revolving door. People will walk in and out. Let them. But you are the person that will remain constant over your life. You are going to have to deal with you at every stage in life. So get to know yourself, learn to like yourself, and be gentle and forgiving to yourself.

 

risk

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The Dead Sea

There was a boy who loved a girl, when she didn’t love herself. But as she learned to love herself, the boy resented her for it. As she became stronger, more confident, he told her that she’d changed. That she wasn’t the girl he had fallen in love with. That she was no longer simple, and that she was no longer unique. As she found herself, she lost him.

 

There was a husband who had a wife that was outspoken and intelligent, a go-getter. At least she was before she married him. But after the marriage suddenly something changed. The husband wanted her to speak out less, and conform to his will more. Forgetting that it was her spark that he first fell in love with.

 

There was a woman that had a man that she loved to control. She didn’t mind that he had no job, and preferred that she provide for all of his needs. But the man began to feel, like not so much of a man. He went out and got a job. He began to provide for himself, and contribute to the relationship—but his woman despised him for it. Now he had a voice, now he didn’t need the woman in the same way–he still wanted her—but he didn’t need her, so she no longer wanted him.

 

When waters are stagnant life cannot thrive. When our loved ones change, we don’t stop loving them. We don’t have to grow apart from them—we can grow with them. Relationships can morph and change and grow, if we let it.

Inadequacy?Loneliness? … A discourse.

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For a person who has always felt most at peace when in solitude, it was quite disconcerting to see loneliness settle in. With this loneliness came the desire to fill it. Acting on impulse, this gaping hole was easily filled with things that soon became detrimental.

Sitting back I began to observe this phenomenon all around me. It seemed like this world was filled with people who in their loneliness reached out for anything that would give them happiness, attention, satisfaction, or love. And yet this happiness was always so fleeting. Lovers leave, money finishes, the party ends, and night becomes morning. The high and the drunken stupor ends in pain when the sobriety of the morning hits.

man with beer

Drinking away sorrows– ends in alcoholism, just as fast as chasing highs leads to addiction. The trouble never stops and thus neither does your dependence. The churchgoer ridicules the drunkard for his bottle, and the drunkard ridicules the churchgoer for his hypocrisy. Yet are they so different? Both with longings, desires, hopes, and failures.

Then there is that woman next door; who’s girlhood days have passed as she looks in the future expecting nothing but more of the same. She is lonely, in ‘need’ of a man. She boasts in her aloneness while grooming herself to perfection in hopes of catching the eye of the next man who looks her way.

woman_in_mirror

Meanwhile she is oblivious to the fact that the old mamas at church who tell her that her biological clock has ‘tocked’ are living in misery in their own loveless marriages.  These old mamas have their husband in bed every night, but the space in between them lies cold. They were a Ms. and lonely, but now they are Mrs. Lonely. So they have more kids, join clubs, or support groups, and throw themselves in every work their hand finds—hoping to convince themselves that they are… “fulfilled.”

And finally there is that boy who looks like a man. He talks like a man, walks like a man, and lusts like a man. Yet when he is alone, his thoughts are that of a boy. He fights those feelings of inadequacy and he craves power over his own life and over his future.

mna, just a boy

We all go through life stumbling around, picking ourselves up, and developing our own coping mechanisms for loneliness, failure, and lust. We keep seeking, but not many find.

To the woman who is no longer a girl, and to the boy fighting to be a man: You can find a balm for your hurt and relief from your longing. But only at the foot of the cross.

foot of the cross

I have found only one place where it’s okay to be lonely and broken, confused or hurting. It’s okay to be lost and discouraged, weak and weary. Just come with your baggage and your sins, and lay down at the feet of Jesus. The walk of faith is not easy, and failure is guaranteed. But this time, when you fall, Christ Himself will pick you up.