Posts Tagged ‘self worth’

Condemnation

 

Today I take the power away from you to tear me down with your words. To shake my confidence. To make me feel like I am a failure. I won’t let you or anyone else have that power. Not anymore.

 

Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” (John 8:10)

 

When you derive your sense of worth from anything outside of God, it can easily be taken away. The same people, person, institution that builds you up can tear your down in a single instance. With a single word. Even if you derive your worth from your sense of self, one day you will inevitably fall short even by your own standards.

 

“No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. (John 8:11)

 

You may not feel worthy, or deserving, or even good. But God doesn’t shun you in your brokenness. Jesus doesn’t kick us when we are down; He extends His hands to lift us up.

 

Be lifted up oh my soul. You are a child of the King.

 

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The Dead Sea

There was a boy who loved a girl, when she didn’t love herself. But as she learned to love herself, the boy resented her for it. As she became stronger, more confident, he told her that she’d changed. That she wasn’t the girl he had fallen in love with. That she was no longer simple, and that she was no longer unique. As she found herself, she lost him.

 

There was a husband who had a wife that was outspoken and intelligent, a go-getter. At least she was before she married him. But after the marriage suddenly something changed. The husband wanted her to speak out less, and conform to his will more. Forgetting that it was her spark that he first fell in love with.

 

There was a woman that had a man that she loved to control. She didn’t mind that he had no job, and preferred that she provide for all of his needs. But the man began to feel, like not so much of a man. He went out and got a job. He began to provide for himself, and contribute to the relationship—but his woman despised him for it. Now he had a voice, now he didn’t need the woman in the same way–he still wanted her—but he didn’t need her, so she no longer wanted him.

 

When waters are stagnant life cannot thrive. When our loved ones change, we don’t stop loving them. We don’t have to grow apart from them—we can grow with them. Relationships can morph and change and grow, if we let it.

Enough

The hardest thing for a woman to accept is her beauty.


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Her innate, just woke up, no make up on on, walking naked around the house, belly rolls clearly visible, unadulterated, beauty.

 

I am beautiful. Twenty one years, and today is the first time I have ever said it, thought it, and believed it.

 

It took an awful day, a rough summer, a lifetime of fighting to be someone’s definition of worthy. To recognize that I am enough. Not that I will be enough, but that right now, today, I am enough.

 

To accept that I am not perfect. I am not the smartest, the wisest, the most graceful or prettiest thing to ever grace this lovely planet. But nevertheless, I am enough.

 

No, I have yet to accomplish every one of my dreams, and God only knows if I ever will. But all things are beautiful in His time. And the only time God has guaranteed me is this moment. And today I choose to revel in it.

 

I choose the revel in the fact that I am perfectly imperfect. That I fall, but I get back up. That I fail, but I keep on trying.

 

My life is fulfilling, because I can look around me and see beauty. The low hanging branches, the graceful calm of the wind, and the sun’s warm rays scratching gently against my back. I can find peace in the hustle, the rush, the traffic, and the stress. To not only see, but to appreciate the beauty in a father holding his daughter’s hand, or a mother searching frantically around for her lost son.

 

I can see love. The infatuation, the lust, the enduring friendship, the brokenness, and the trust. Seeing the beauty in each and appreciating those used to be strangers that we meet. Learning that not every goodbye has to be tearful, but that some people are best in small quantities and a goodbye could be a blessing in disguise.

 

I am grateful for my family. Individually broken, but together our love seems to be more than enough. I take joy in their presence. Their lives show me how much love can lead to fear. The fear of losing what is worth so much. But slowly that fear is letting go, so that gratefulness and appreciation can take it’s place. I am grateful for the time I’ve had with them, and the time I still have left.

 

All in all I can say that I am happy. I’ve decided to stop dwelling on all thats is falling apart, but to be grateful for what still is. And when I sit down and count the blessings, I find that they are more than enough

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Confession.

Dry your eyes sweetheart.

He’s not your one in a million.

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Yeah, so I know you’ve been out there looking for your soul mate. Searching high and low, desperate to find anything thing that moves, breathes, and lifts up the seat when he pees.

But let me save you the agony and disappointment; the hours of standing in front of the mirror before you go out. Wondering if you are pretty enough, thin enough, or graceful enough for him to finally take notice. You spend hours watching youtube videos: learning how to paint your face so you can look like someone you’re not, on the outside, just to attract someone who you hope will like you for who you are, on the inside.

And when you find him. Though he is 5 steps removed from perfect. You manage to convince yourself that perhaps maybe he is still the one for you.
When you leave his presence you wonder if he likes you, how often he thinks about you, and if he might learn to love you. But the truth of the matter is; 9 times out of 10, you are obsessing over someone who can hardly remember your name.

Look, your biological clock is not running out, but your common sense is. You’re caught up in the allusion that he can change, instead of realizing that the real problem is you. You are lost. Looking for someone to love you, when you don’t even love yourself. You are empty, broken, and hurt by all the thousand and one ways you think life has disappointed you. But what you don’t realize is that when you value yourself solely on the basis of what others think of you, you are the one who is disappointing yourself.

What happened to being a woman of grace, confidence, and pride? What happened to valuing yourself enough to know when to walk away? How come we can no longer find happiness outside of someone else’s embrace? We weren’t made just to warm sheets!

Because when the night is over, the lust wears off, and the makeup washes off, it is still you who has to face yourself in the mirror each day. And if you can’t love what you see; no amount of hugs, kisses, or even a new last name can change that.

But if you invest your time in cultivating your own self worth, you won’t have to look for the right man, he will find you.